Tonight, I had a very interesting theological discussion. Throughout the discussion, held with my father and step-mother, I presented my view of God and Christ and such, and together we came to a general consensus. Basically, it is entirely possible that everything about the Catholic faith is made up. Possible - just a possibility here, dont start freakin' out. We talked about how Jesus could have just been this great guy, kind of like gandhi, and as word of him spread, his actions and feats became more and more exaggerated. Ever played telephone? By the time the story is told on the other end of the line, it could be COMPLETELY different. My point is that the story of Jesus was passed on by oral tradition for years before it was written down, and how many retellings would it have gone through? By the time the gospels and New Testament were written, Jesus' "great guy" status could well have been exaggerated to "God", and his actions turned into miracles.
I am not here to shake people's faith. I just have serious trouble with the whole "existence of God" thing. Does this make me an atheist? Probably. It has occured to me many times that people simply invented God to ease the idea that they cease to exist after death. What proof is there that an after-life exists? Why is the idea of Heaven/Hell anymore believable than Reincarnation? What makes Christianity anymore of a legitimate religion than Buddhism or Hinduism? Is it because Christ came and enlightened us? I still think that maybe Christ was just this great guy who went around teaching people to be moral and helping people. I looked in the Bible tonight after hearing that Adam and Eve had a third child, Seth. I searched for him, and boom, there is Seth. I had never heard of him, after 13 years of religious instruction. It turns out that Adam lived to be 930 years old, while Seth lived a scant 912 years. While it occured to me that these are exaggerations, if it were not intended to be viewed fundamentally there would be no 18 year difference. Why couldnt the Bible just say "and both Adam and Seth lived to be very very old"? This evokes the question inside of me: "Is the Bible a work of fiction, or possibly a great distortion of facts"? The Bible makes no reference to the Fountain of Youth, so maybe Adam just lived extra long? Maybe since Adam was so close to God, God gave an extra 800 plus years to Adam and his progeny? "BLASPHEMER!!" some are saying. It just seems a bit unrealistic to me.
I have no problem with Christianity. If I can find an argument that convinces me of everything the Church teaches, I am open to it. I cannot go to school and ask any of my religion teachers (except Fr. Dan, which I intend to do tomorrow) why there are so many problems with this faith of theirs. They would look at my arguments, and have a mid-life crisis. Seriously, some of my religion teachers would not only have no answer for me, but they would be converted to MY way of thinking. A certain one in particular crosses my mind, and she couldnt answer even the simplest of problems from the people in my religion class. All she could do was reiterate her point and hope it in some way burned the lesson into their brain (this certainly does not apply to all the religion teachers at my high school). If this should happen, and I were to see one of the faithful ones, broken by what I believe, my faith would truly be beyond repair. To see a devout Catholic, and one with a degree in theology, unable to explain why it is that their faith is illogical on occasion, would be to lose hope in the doctrine entirely. This is why I could only approach someone who could match my arguments. I need someone with an intelligence level high enough to see what I see, and then tell me what they see.
I dont want the holy rollers to come knocking at my door, pointing out that the Prophets said Jesus was coming, and how many prophecies he fulfilled. I don't want people to come quote me a line from the Bible that completely defeats my argument. My problem is so basic, it lies in the Bible itself along with the most core teachings of christ. These are dogmas I am disagreeing with.
I also figured out why my basic foundation in Catholicism is so rocky, and as I said before, it lies in the Catholic school system. What percentage of school masses seem like Pep Rallies before they begin? Do the students attending really feel the reverance so applicable to a meeting with God? They don't, and it is because they have been numbed to it. Every week at my Catholic grade school, the whole school attended mass twice. Every week at my Catholic grade school, the whole school groaned twice. Nobody wanted to go. It was not a meeting with God for them, it was the observance of the teacher's will over the students. At my first Reconciliation and Communion, I had no idea the meaning of what I was doing. I was SEVEN. At seven years old, I'm learning basic math, and the good Catholics decide I am capable of understanding a great spiritual concept such as God residing in bread? Existing as bread? At my confirmation, I took the name Michael after the archangel (I always did like stoic characters), and stood for two meaningless hours with my beaming family. I almost considered not being confirmed, but the pressure from my family and friends all seemed to say: "Just do it, it will satisfy them". Going into the ceremony I knew it meant nothing to me, but hey, now I'm a TRUE Catholic. Like so many other people I know today, I was the embodiment of a spiritual facade.
Pep rallies at my high school involve everyone congregating together to celebrate a sport, while masses involve everyone congregating together to celebrate God. Which one receives more enthusiasm from its audience?
